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Risen_Advocate
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Name: Cameron
Gender: Male
Interests: Scuba diving, debate, reading, surfing the net, listening to music, anything Batman, role-playing, theology, Lord of the Rings, law, shotguns, philosophy etc...
Expertise: Blogging. Well, the deep blog types. My humorous posts leaving something to be desired...
Occupation: Philosopher
Industry: Thinkers
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
8/5/2006
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| Oh Xanga, thou once mighty among the internet 2.0s
You bastion of rivalry with the emos of LiveJournal
Your time was great, your dominance amazing
No Friendster could stand before your might
Alas!
It was not to be...est!
People prefer not to write their thoughts out
Myspace killed you, and Facebook certainly helped
The devolution of blogging is complete
In Twitter.
Xanga, thouest art dead.
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| "The more you see the less you know
The less you find out as you go
I knew much more then than I do now"
So
yeah...two years ago I was averaging two blog posts a week. They were
usually fairly long and in-depth and I always gave them quite a bit of
thought. Now, anyone who still reads will notice that I'm lucky to get
out a single, paltry post a month. I've had quite a bit of trouble
pinning down exactly what it was that changed.
The theory that I
subscribe to the most is that I have had a serious perspective and
attitude change in the past year or so. The U2 quote I put up gives it
quite a nice summary. I began to realize how pathetic my arguments
were, how much I *didn't* know, and how little of a desired impact my
posts were making.
Sure, in highschool I could take on anyone I
wanted in a debate and probably win if I cared enough. Anyone who knows
me have decently knows I have trouble avoiding getting sucked into a
argument and that I can win it, if only because I'm the only one who'll
give a crap. But in the virtual world of the Internet and the real
world outside of my small circle of friends, there are a ton of people
who could easily toss my arguments to the side. Heck, I lost a debate
on abortion a while ago (the judging was screwed though...)
To
top it off, I don't know enough. I would have a hard time proving
reality, defending covenant theology, bashing pre-millennialism,
explaining the best method of getting the U.S. out of 53 trillion in
monetary obligations without raising taxes, showing how the Bible was
composed without putting in man-inspired scriptures and withholding
those that were God-breathed, or convincing Christians that stem-cell
research is morally acceptable. I don't want to be debating with
highschoolers my whole life - I want to be able to debate a phd now. And win. That's important.
I've
wanted to be the best at that sort of thing. Getting the right
worldview, the right religion, the right ideology. And getting
someone/anyone else there. That beats statistics any day in my book.
But I'm not capable of that right now.
My blog has always served
as extension of me in that regard. It was never intended to be an
online diary, or a personal update on me, or place to post lyrics, even
if I have in the past. It was always meant to be a way to cast down
arguments that were...wrong. And when it started sinking in that I'm
not charismatic, smart, or knowledgeable enough to do that, the desire
to post started to wane.
Not that I've given up, mind you. I'm just holding back the onslaught for when I know everything.
At
the moment, I'm in more of an observation/commenting state than a
posting stage. Once that changes, though, hopefully the Internet will
know. | | |
| I am Texas.
A pretty bold
claim for a suburbanite that was born in upstate New York. Yet, I think
it is a very true statement. I’ve often thought long and hard over what
it means to be an American or member of any collective group. I finally
came to the conclusion that besides certain requirements (like
geographic location, genetic history, language spoken, etc…) there is a
certain mental commitment to an ideal that collective represents.
As
an example, you could go to every rock concert in town, know every rock
group inside and out, have parents and siblings that are rockers, but
still dresses like a nerd and identify, listen to, and play solely
classical music. You hate the messages rock music communicates and say
that it makes you dance and do other evil things (oh…wait…) No one
would think you’re a rocker in that case.
Geo-political units are the same way.
Anyways,
Texans (we’re Texans and Americans, but primarily Texans) will also
enthusiastically inform any visitor to the state that it is the
greatest place on earth and that Texas is truly awesome. Yet, they
usually can’t give a good reason. The landscape is pretty unimpressive,
Austin is overrun with liberals, our wildlife isn’t any more
fascinating than anywhere else in the country, we have high crime rates
in the cities, Houston is obese, construction is bad, price-gauging gas
companies headquarter themselves around Dallas, and George Bush came
from here. Not too awesome in most people’s books, including mine.
But Texas is the most amazing place on Earth.
Texas
has an identity; a culture that permeates it’s every fiber, more so
than even America. It’s a spirit of liberty. Texas is all about being
free. About the wide open skies of the dessert, of men living their
life as they please. The cowboys who love the wilderness, the
scientists at NASA who are exploring the Outer Space. All of that is
about the spirit of freedom, progress, and curiosity. Texas is about
pulling yourself up by your bootstraps and making your way in the
world, which is really what many of those oil tycoons did. Curse them.
Texas
is about diversity. Don’t believe that? We’re a majority-minority state
that contains cultured Austin, a huge redneck population, the shipping
industry of the Gulf, the technology and medical resources of DFW, the
fat, the skinny, the gay, the military, and so on.
Texas is
about protection and loyalty. Don’t believe me? Check out all the
Texans with Latin-American backgrounds and the loyalty they exhibit.
Check out them cowboys and their family life. Check out our gun laws
which allow us to protect ourselves at any time, any place.
Texas
is about being big. We’re bigger than any other state in size and
population besides Alaska and California. We’re bigger than most
European nations. We have the 17th largest economy in the world. And
the pride to match. The Texas swagger is pretty infamous. As is the
Texas two-step (especially after the Democratic primary.)
Texas
is about being educated. UT, A&M, SMU (the freakin’ Harvard of the
South), Rice, Texas Tech, UTD, Dallas Theological Seminary, UTH, and
A&M Commerce. Even our community colleges are the best in the
country. DCCCD and Quad C are absolutely stunning for two year schools.
Texas is about faith. Besides the 12 dozen mega churches just in the
Dallas area, Texas is home to the largest church in America (Joel
Osteen’s church in Houston.) The philosophers of the Hinduism, Daoism,
Sikhism, and Buddhism are ever present in Austin and Dallas.
And
Texas is obstinate. The Alamo and the revolution are enough proof of
that. We Texans take a stand on our principles and we don’t move. Texas
is loud and says what’s on its mind. Texas is about not holding back
when something needs to be done, no matter what the rest of the country
or the world think.
Given my earlier point that collective
identity is constructed by more than geography and genealogy, but by a
grafting of the popularized axiom, I think I can safely argue that I am
an embodiment of the Texan spirit. No, not the only embodiment; there
are another 15-25 million true Texans in the world today, I imagine.
But
I value freedom above most things and do my best to exercise it in my
life style. I’ve embraced the Texas outdoors with the exhilaration
liberty that it brings. I’m pretty loud, definitely stubborn, got a bit
of a prideful streak running through me, and I sure don’t hold back
when I want to say something. I think most of y’all would agree with
that, and that I’m “religious” and interested in philosophy. I stick by
my friends even when I probably shouldn’t and have been asked on
several occasions why I defend “the sewer scum” of the world. I enjoy
firing off guns when I get the chance, so it’s safe to say that I’m as
loyal as they get.
I also never stand down when I think it’s the
right thing to do. I may get mocked for my views, made fun of because
of my off the wall reasoning, and goaded into arguments all the time
over them (I’m looking at Ian, Jacob, Daniel, Chandler, and Michael
right now), but I won’t back down.
I think that makes me as Texan as any one can be. | | |
| So far I've posted once a month (December '07 doesn't really count I
guess, but oh well.) I've asked myself why I keep myself to this
artificial standard, this random timetable, when I blog because I like
to. Why force myself to stick to this program that should be a
spontaneous "when ever I feel like" event? Maybe it's because "that's
the way Cameron rolls" and it's just another personality quirk.
Maybe
it's for more selfish reasons, like the hope that by blogging I can
regain that quick celebrity-like high experienced when I first started
writing. I so enjoyed being told by people that my blog made them
think, or that I did the best job on a topic they had ever read, or
whatever. Maybe I think I can become more popular (kinda ironic that in
my quest for individual thinking and evaluation I started catering to
the expectations and approvals of others in order to gain their praise
and acceptance.)
Maybe it's because I think
by forcing myself to write right now, I can force myself to regain the
love of writing that college papers so efficiently kill. Perhaps I
think that I need to stay somewhat active blogwise if my long range
plans with writing are to come fruition.
Maybe I think that if I
lose that the last semblance of long range commitment in this facet of
my life, I'll forever lose it in every other aspect. I have mostly
already in portions of life. But maybe if I hold on right now, to the
one thing that has truly stayed consistent over the years, even when I
don't feel like it, maybe in time the joy of blogdom will be restored
and commitment will re-establishable. I guess that's the virtue of it,
as Mr. Lewis puts it. Holding on when you don't feel like it.
-Cameron, the (Risen) Advocate
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| “Well, Mr. Sanders, what now?”
Henry looked dubiously at the rollercoaster as the ice in his lemonade melted in the heat of the noonday sun. Reaching across his worktable with its scrolls and blueprints spread haphazardly over the moldy and stained wood, Henry grabbed his lemonade and drank a small sip all the while eying the metal thrill ride. A bead of nervous sweat ran down the back of his neck as he glanced one last time down at his paperwork. A TI-83 calculator lay next to an old ink and paper calculator, both with their unbending, scientific results staring into Henry’s trembling soul. Henry took a quick gulp of his now watery lemonade, dribbling a little over his chin.
“Hmph. It would seem that the ride is perfectly safe and reliable sir. You can see the physics of it all right here. It’s really a marvel of engineering, to be perfectly frank. It’s quite safe.”
The Man in the Gray Suit studied Henry for a moment as the distant rumble of an explosion shook the ground. “ You seem to have a wonderful grasp of the facts, of the science of it all, Mr. Sanders. Yet, you have doubt written across your face and your soul. And time is running out. You only have a few moments before it’s your turn. Why, why, Mr. Sanders, do you still doubt with all of your research and scientific facts in front of you?”
The mathematician scratched the back of his sweating neck with an old screwdriver as he spotted a column of flame and smoke rising across the roofline. “Well, you see sir, with all respect, I do believe this contraption will work. I’ve spent years studying this material, verifying its validity and comparing it to other methods and it is the only one that works. I’d stake my life on it.” Henry’s nervous eyes twitched as he involuntarily glanced across the mile-wide lake where the rollercoaster ended. “However, my heart is telling me I’m wrong. My head just tells me over and over again that this is the only way, but I just can’t accept it in my heart. And you know it won’t work like that.”
200 yards away, a circus tent started to smolder as flames began to lick the dry grass at its base. Henry’s hand began to tremble and lemonade spilled over the sides of his glass.
“Yes, yes, I do suppose that would present itself as a difficulty for your case, wouldn’t it? Why don’t you trust your data, Mr. Sanders, and get on board. It’s the only way to save you now.” The tight smile on the Man in the Gray Suit’s mouth promised that he had little hope for Henry.
“Oh, and I suppose that I can just force my instincts, my emotions, my heart to just accept all of this? You know that’s impossible! I’d only be fooling, no, lying to myself if I said I felt something to be true in my soul if I really didn’t! That’s something beyond my control and you know it!!” Henry’s voice was growing strained and Henry was becoming frustrated with the unrelenting smirk of the Man in the Gray Suit.
Henry’s eyes began to blaze in a holy rage at the insolent man sneering at him, but he was quickly distracted by the presence of a heat greater than the midday sun. Henry turned to see that all but the entryway to the rollercoaster and the rollercoaster itself burning. Henry swiveled around towards the Man in the Gray Suit, dropping his glass of lemonade to the concrete floor, showering the leg of his worktable with a sticky and sugary liquid.
Desperate, Henry began to shout and plead, “Listen, I’ve reached the logical conclusion a thousand times. This ride is the only way. I know that! But I just don’t believe it, and there’s nothing I can do to create belief. You need to help me!”
The jaded eyes of the gray clad man softened as his heart of steel began to feel mercy, “Your trust, your faith, is not truly your own, and the pain you feel for that I feel as well. But we can’t make an exception and you know that. However, perhaps the plain fact of what you know, and your realization of the importance of that knowledge and belief are enough. Perhaps to even reach the point of intellectual recognition is faith in and of itself. It’s a chance worth taking, Mr. Sanders. And Mr. Sanders, now you must run or fall.”
Henry’s wild and desperate face, fixated on the Man in the Gray Suit, was very suddenly filled with a horrified realization as the heat of the flames cracked, and then destroyed the mirror and the Man disappeared. Henry’s hypnotic like fascination on the shattered mirror and burning worktable, with its melting calculators, was quickly and abruptly broken as the fire began lapping at his feet.
With the smoke billowing up around him, Henry took a deep breath and charged towards the rollercoaster’s carts. The inferno raging behind him, Henry grasped the release lever and pulled. The cart started slowly picking up speed and Henry anxiously looked across the ride and the lake towards the only safe haven. As the doubt welled up in his chest, Henry clamped his tear stained eyes closed and prayed.
-Cameron, the (Risen) advocate
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